Absurd Fairy Tales
by Vicious Piggy
Summary: Its what the title says, COMPLETELY FOR HUMORUS PERPOSES ONLY; NO YAOI; PAIRINGS ONLY WHEN NECECARY! T for language.
1. Lil Red Ridin' Hood

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Plain and simple. This is for every chapter. :D**

**Don't hate me for starting a new Tsubasa story!!! If anyone else has done this, I swear I didn't copy. Just kinda spur or the moment, actually. So enjoy!!!!**

**Little Pink Riding Hood**

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Narrorator (Mokona): Once upon a time, there was a girl who lived in a village near the forrest. When ever she went out, she wore a pink cloak, so every one called her Lil Pink riding hood.

Sakura: (Comes on stage, timidly; wearings pink cloak)

Narrorator: One day her –_ahem_- "mother" asked her to deliver a basket of baked goods to her grandmother in the forrest.

Fai: (wearing blue dress, smiling extreamly happily) Sakura, dear! Please deliver this to your granny!!! She's sick! And I don't want to get sick, so you go. :D

Sakura: (Sweatdrop) O-Ok.

Narrorator: So, lil pink –we'll call her Sakura- hugged her mother and said bye!

Fai: Remember! Go STRAIT to you granny's house! And don't talk to strangers!!!!

Sakura: Ok! (Thinking: I wonder what he said. I MEAN SHE!!!)

Narrorator: She skipped in the forrest and –not hearing what her "Mom" said- stopped to pick flowers, and watch the bird eat the butterflys. Ah, the circle of life.

Sakura: I'm sure granny will like ALL the flowers, but I wanna get her a special one!!!

Narrorator: Sakura was SO preoccupied with the flowers, she didn't see the dark figure coming near her.

Sakura: lalalalala!

Narrorator: Suddenly a "Wolf" came out of the brush.

Syaoran (Trying his best to sound unfriendly, and failing): What are you doing out here, little girl?

Sakura: What do you mean little? I'm 14. And you look about my age.

Syaoran: Sorry, I was just going by the script…

Sakura: Script?

Syaoran: Never mind, don't you have somewhere to be?

Sakura: Oh, yeah! I gotta get this to my grandma! (runs away)

Syaoran: Bye? Well, I'm off to kidnap her grandma… (takes short way to pink's grandma's house)

Narrorator: Meanwhile, Kuro-winky was in his bead, reading the latest issue of "Ninja centeral weekly."

Kurogane: Take that, Naruto!!! …You can do better than THAT, Sauske!!! (someone knocks on door) Crap. (get up; opens door)

Syaoran: Hi, I'm here to fix your TV.

Kurogane: (glares at Syaoran) Really?

Syaoran: (getting intimidated) Yes?

Kurogane: Sure whatever.

Syaoran: Can I ask you a question?

Kurogane: Whatever.

Syaoran: Why are you in a dress?

Kurogane: I'm Sakura's Granny.

Syaoran: Oh. Do you have a closet that locks from the outside?

Kurogane: Yeah. Over here. (Walks into it)

Syaoran: Huh. That was eaisier than I thought. (slams and locks door)

Kurogane: HEY!!!

Syaoran: Relax, if you come near the TV it'll go all 'splody. (mokona gave him a few shots of Sake)

Kurogane: Fine.

Syaoran: Seriously? Is it THAT easy to fool him? Oh well. (goes through granny cloths, until he finds one small enough. Changes; puts filly –itchy- cap on)

Sakura: (Knocks on door) It's me, granny!

Syaoran: (high pitched voice:) Do, come in, dear! It's unlocked!

Sakura: Kay! (walks in) I brought you some food. (puts in on table).

Syaoran: Thank you, dear! (thinking: Mokona better give me back my goggles for this!)

Sakura: (walks in granny's room) Granny, your cold must be terrible, your voice is so different!

Syaoran: Yes, it is, but I'm fine now that my dear grandaughter is here!

Sakura: What big ears you have!

Syaoran: (slightly offened) The better to hear you with!

Sakura: What big eyes you have!

Syaoran: They're no bigger than yours. :(

Sakura: What big teeth you have, WHAT KIND OF COLD IS THIS!?

Syaoran: The better to eat you with!

Sakura: OH, CRAP, YOU AINT MY GRANNY!!! (runs away)

Syaoran: (waits 10 seconds) Ok. (runs after her) RAWR!!

Narrorator: She ran down the forrest yelling "Wolf~! Help~!"

Sakura: Wolf~! Help~!

Narrorator: a local boy was chopping wood and heard her, he ran toward the wolf with his axe.

Ryu-o: DIE, WOLF!!!

Syaoran: It's me!

Ryu-o: Oh.

Narrorator: **THE END!!!**

Kuro-winky: What about me?

Fai: and me?

Narrorator: You don't matter any more.

Fai: aww.

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**What did you people think? Should I continue? What next?**


	2. Pinocchio: The Fai Edition

**Another chapter awaits your eyes. OBEY!**

**Pinocchio**

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Narrorator (Syaoran): Once upon a time, there was a man who wanted a son. His name was Kurogane.

Kurogane: I hate kids.

Narrorator: Uh. He was a master puppet carver.

Kurogane: (carving with Ginnryuu) Crap, I chopped its head off!

Narrorator: Uh, Kurogane-san, please go with the story!

Kurogane: Why should I listen to _you_? **YOU LOCKED ME IN A FRIKEN CLOSET!!!**

Narrorator: I'm sorry, but that was part of the story!

Kurogane: Whatever. Lets just finish this already.

Narrorator: Ok then. Once day he got a branch and started carving a boy. When he got to the mouth, it started making faces at him.

Kurogane: WHAT THE HELL!?!?

Puppet: _Hyuu~!_ You shouldn't curse in front of a kid!

Narrorator: (sweatdrop) Uh, he named him Pinocchio.

Kurogane: Your name is Pinocchio.

Pinocchio: I wanna be Fai!

Kurogana: Sure, whatever, go get eaten.

Fai: Ok!!! Hey, wait a minute...

Narrorator: Kurogane decided it was best for him to go to school with the real kids.

Kurogane: Please try to get kidnapped!

Fai: Hmm?

Narrorator: Kurogane-san!

Kurogane: Fine; have fun at school.

Fai: Ok!

Narrorator: And so, Pin- uh- Fai left for the school. On the way, he forgot about what his dad said. He wondered near a puppet show, and thought he could do better.

Fai: These puppets are amatures! I could dance and sing better than them!!! (Climbs on stage; starts singing; starts dancing)

Narrorator: The puppet master told him to leave, but noticed how much the crowd liked him. After the show, he gave Fai 5 copper coins as a reward.

Fai: Thanks, mister!

Narrorator: A cat and fox saw him with the money, and decided to trick him out of it.

Cat: Hey, kid. We know how to turn those coins into GOLD coins!

Fox: Yeah, we _really_ wanna help you get more money!

Fai: Really? Thanks!

Narrorator: Fai, so young and naïve, believed them. And agreed to their instructions.

Fox: Plant your coins under this _magic_ tree, then come back in a few hours!

Fai: Cool! Where?

Cat: (points to loose soil)

Fai: (digs soil and puts bag of coins) I marked the spot with a stone. :D

Narrorator: They returned to the inn for supper, afterward, the cat and fox dressed up as theives. They hid Near the spot Fai had dug the hole. When Fai came back to dig the hole, they pounced on him.

Fox: Give us your money!!!

Narrorator: He resisted.

Fai: (puts sack in mouth [Your_ so_ sanitary, Fai])

Cat: GIVE US YOUR MONEY!!

Doggy: ARF! BOW-WOW-WOW-WOW~~!!!! (drool)

Fox and Cat: AAAAAAAAAHHH!!! (run away)

Narrorator: Suddenly, his guardian faiy's dog came. She came also, and asked:

Fairy (sakura): You havnt gone to school have you?

Fai: Yes!

Narrorator: …

Kurogane: (pops outta nowhere) Quit stairing at her and say your friken lines!!!

Narrorator: (blushing) Gomene! His nose grew…

Fai: What's happening!?

Fairy: zzzzzzzzz

Kurogane: She fell asleep?!

Mokona (about 9xorigional size): (voice is BOOMING) BUT I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SWALLOW ANYONE!!!!!!

Narrorator: I guess that's the end…

END

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**Comments greatly appreciaed. :D If anyone wants to request a fairy tale, be my guest!!!!**


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